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Name:小空
Age:18
"You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends..."
Sunday, February 21, 2010 ; 3:54 PM
You know when you are walking somewhere and you cross paths with a stranger,
and you say hello because it's polite? And they you just continue on your way, without giving it another thought?
That's how I am feeling now. I feel like I am turning into that stranger.
Like we only talk to be polite. I worry that we don't even have anything to talk about
anymore, nothing in common. I'm scared.
It's just easier to smile and act like everything is ok,
so that all this drama ends.
You make it impossible
Monday, February 15, 2010 ; 7:15 PM
I am worried sick about you.
You say everything is fine, but it's not.
I KNOW it's not. You suck at lying to me.
I want to help. I want to be there for you, because I fucking care about
you. I love you. I want to make sure that you are ok.
But you make it so fucking hard. You always block me out, push me away and ignore me.
Why?
Every time I try and help, you get pissed off at me.
I am just about to give up.
Why should I spend my time worrying so much about you
and caring so much about you if you are just going to keep
pushing me away and keeping me out?
THIS right here is the reason why I am finding
it so hard to be friends. Not because of him, but because of THIS.
you say that I am a wall for you, something to lean on, but when I try and help you
you just shut me down, get angry or ignore me.
THIS is why I keep my door closed.
Because if I can't tell that something is wrong,
then I won't waste my time being worried about you,
seeing as you don't want me to be there for you
Friday, February 12, 2010 ; 10:15 PM
It's still there.
I've tried to get rid of it,
I've tried to ignore it.
It's just not going away.
I can't stop thinking about it.
But, everyday it becomes more and more
clear that it's never going to happen.
I need to let go,
I just, can't, I just, don't want to.
I am sorry I love you.
I am sorry for all of this shit that's going on.
I really am.
I am sorry that I fell in love with you.
I am trying to move on, even though it doesn't
seem like it. You have to remember, I am doing this alone, so it's going to take
a while. Mostly, as sad as I am to see you go, I can't wait until you go off to college.
I think it will be easier to get over you if I don't have to see someone else making you happy.
I am sorry that it's all come down to this.
I am sorry.
I am sorry
Thursday, February 11, 2010 ; 12:59 PM
really?
Valentines Day
; 8:43 AM
Oh, how so much in change in just one year.
So much.
Today was bad enough.
The stress, the lack of sleep, the panic attack.
And then I get to watch you pass out goody bags to all your
dear dear beloved friends.
Thanks /:
you are totally showing me that you still care.
I need to just curl up and sleep.
Just, sleep forever.
Just, not wake up.
And I'm alone now.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 ; 2:00 PM
I am so close to breaking.
My mood keeps getting worse and worse and worse.
I am going to break soon, I can feel it, but I can't
stop and take a break
I hope, I wish~
Monday, February 8, 2010 ; 4:30 PM
that your futures are happy,
that everything you ever wanted becomes yours.
that everyday you wake up with a smile on your face
that you never have to cry
that all your dreams come true
that you all find your prince charmings
that you all live happily ever after.
because you are my friends and i love you
Saturday, February 6, 2010 ; 9:04 PM
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams
this is me pretending
this is all i need
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
Senior Year
Wednesday, February 3, 2010 ; 12:26 PM
It's supposed to be the best year of high school. The time when everything falls into place and everything is good and you are happy.
That just doesn’t seem to be the case. I used to be riding on top of the world with everyone I loved around me and we were all happy. And now, I wander the halls alone in the mornings and sit alone at lunch like I have some sort of disease. It happens every time. When I need someone to the most, they disappear. Senior year is no longer something I am fond of. I hate waking up and coming to school every day.
Maybe it’s my turn to just disappear
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